Last week I was given the opportunity to share my personal journey of recovery and transformation from a devastating self-inflicted set back, with 9 other speakers, at a Speak Pop-Up Event.

BTW: I’ll let everyone know when this impressive event is available for viewing on you tube.

The single topic every presenter spoken on was the importance of resilience in everyone’s life.

This is the segment of my presentation that expresses – based on my personal journey – how important resilience has been in my life and the four steps I believe everyone – especially those that have created a set back or adversity for themselves and others -must take if they want to become more resilient. And who doesn’t need to become more resilient as we face our ever more unpredictable future?

“While I hope you never have to recover from a devastating setback like I did, I know, regardless of whether it’s deserved, as it was for me, or undeserved, as it was for my family, we all have to accept that adversities and setbacks are an unavoidable part of everyone’s life.  What matters is our ability to recover from them, and become more resilient because of them so we are better prepared to face an unpredictable future.

Fortunately, resilience is a skill set we all possess. This means that everyone of us can choose to become more resilient.  But becoming more resilient isn’t easy. It requires we step out of our comfort zone and commit to making the difficult, and often painful, decisions necessary to become more resilient.  But I can assure you making this commitment is worthwhile.

The process of becoming more resilient begins with these four steps:

1. While we may think we have no responsibility for the adversity or setback we are facing, it’s still important to engage in the self-reflection necessary to determine if this is true. Often our ego and self-image hide our responsibility for the adversity or setback from us.  If we do bear any responsibility, either through our actions or inactions, we must own that responsibility and realize we are not the victim, but the creator of this adversity or setback.  If we do not accept this difficult truth, we cannot recover and become more resilient.

2. After taking the necessary time to recover by grieving for what we have lost or regretting the damage we have caused, we must accept that we cannot change what has happened.  We can only apologize for our destructive behavior, and not permit it to continue to define us or stop us from moving forward.

3. We must view our adversities and setbacks as opportunities to build our resilience. We do this by shifting our perspective from asking “Why is this happening to me?” to “What lesson can I learn from this?”

4. Because this journey to become more resilient is inherently difficult, the success of our journey depends on the support of those who love us and want us to succeed.  This often means asking those who have been most hurt by our toxic behavior for their forgiveness and their support.”

I hope this process provides you with the approach and mindset you need to become more resilient as you follow your own path of recovery from any setbacks and adversities you are experiencing.

As always, questions, comments and observations are appreciated.